John McLoone

We have a couple of these security cameras mounted on the front of our house. It sends me an alert every time there’s an intruder.

I get sent a video clip every time one of them is activated. Throughout the day, I get a clip now and then of a package delivery service tossing a parcel on my front steps. I know from my surveillance system that I have a significant amount of squirrel activity in front of the house when we’re gone for the day. My wife enjoys watching birds, so she has some strategically placed feeders outside the living room window. It’s been amazing the species of visitors she’s had this winter. When she’s not home, though, it seems like it’s mostly squirrels.

We have two dogs, Mac and Rosie. When we let them outside, Mac does his business and forces the front door back open on his own. Rosie doesn’t. She paces the front yard for about five minutes looking for the perfect spot to conduct her business. Before I had my cameras, I had to wait outside with her, which led to an antagonizing situation for me and a not-so-pleasant bathroom break for her. Now, I just wait until my phone buzzes, and I know her transaction has been completed.

We’ve laughed at some clips. The cameras were a Christmas gift from me to me one year. It was the year our youngest daughter spent most of the holiday speaking in a British accent. She was outside the front door talking, and we got a lot of mileage out of that one.

Once these cameras earned their keep. A few years back, we were out of town at my mother’s funeral. Apparently, obituaries are a tool used by thieves. As we were at the post-funeral luncheon, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, thinking I’d see what those silly squirrels were up to. There was a man approaching my front door, pretending to be a package delivery person. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt tightened around his face and had sunglasses on. He stepped to the door, looked up at the camera and ran back to his car. He fled in the few minutes it took the police to get there. The other camera showed he had parked his car so the license plates wouldn’t be visible. He was crafty, but the cameras caught him.

During the nighttime, we get a lot of intruders. There are two cats who make the rounds nightly. The black and white one is early in the night. The yellow one is later. They both come through one way and five minutes later retrace their steps and exit stage left.

We got one weasel-type varmint once and a few raccoons, though they are craftier than the funeral thief. My wife left a five gallon, sealed pail of birdseed outside. A raccoon ate through the plastic and left a feast for the squirrels for days. Somehow, it escaped detection altogether.

Perhaps the scariest images from the camera mounted above the front door of when I walk out the front door. You think this big bald head looks bad from straight on? You should see it from above. And do I really walk like that?