Nona:

When it was nice out last week, I just about burned down the garage trying to grill some burgers. Do you have any advice for me? Singed Sideburns in Stanley-Boyd Dear Singed:

Every once in a while,

somebody tries to slip one by Grandma Nona. I know that it is uncommon that someone could have such a vast storehouse

of knowledge in all things cooking. I didn’t rise to the top here at the Grandma Nona Institute (think Martha Stewart visits Lublin) just by my good

looks. I put myself through rigorous training. I know that in most relationships, the woman gets a month or two off of cooking in the summer while her man reverts back

to his primal self by tinkering

with fire.

I dated a guy for precisely one day last month. He seemed cute enough when he introduced himself at Senior Card Night. “Hey sweetie, my name’s Barbecue Bill, and I’m a master on the grill.” He already knew who I was, so he thought he could impress me with his outdoor culinary expertise. I have to admit, I was

enchanted by him. First off, he had showered within a day or so of our initial meeting. That’s a point right there. Second, he had dental insurance. Third, he had a mansion, by Lublin standards. Actually, I think the rest of the world calls it a double-wide, but it was one heck of a trailer.

So, I got invited over

for some of Barbecue Bill’s specialties. He told me to prepare myself for a six-course meal. I was a little angry when I found out that three of those courses were Leinenkugel’s, one was baked beans and the cheese on the burger counted too. I was even more

disappointed when I tried to bite into the hockey puck he turned the ground chuck into.

I started calling him Well-Done William instead of Barbecue Bill. He told me I had to have all my courses of Leinenkugel's first and then the burgers taste just fine. I learned over the years that there is an art to cooking on the grill. The fellas down at Stosh’s place used to have this grilling competition every summer. It was open to men only, because of the simple fact that they all know that I was better at it than they were. Plus, they actually think they're pulling one over

on the ladies. They think we don’t know that they’re outside drinking beer? Boys: You aren’t fooling anybody. Ladies: don’t worry. I’m not going to give out the secret of why we like to cook with wine!

If your husband insists on trying to be a grill chef, here’s a couple things to keep in mind:

• Keep the grill away from the house. Every man lives for

that explosion when they light the grill. Keep it away from the siding.

• Keep it simple. The experts can do four kinds of meat and a veggie on the grill. You can't.

Brats at the grocery store are precooked. All you’re doing is putting grill lines on them and heating them up.

Now, you’re ready to take a crack at it.

Tangy Sirloin Strips Ingredients 1/4 cup vegetable oil

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

1 garlic clove, minced

1/2 teaspoon onion powder 1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1 pound (1 inch thick) boneless sirloin steak

4 bacon strips Lemon- pepper seasoning GLAZE: 1/2 cup barbecue sauce 1/2 cup steak sauce 1/2 cup honey 1 tablespoon molasses Directions In a large resealable plastic bag, combine the first six

ingredients. Cut steak into four wide strips; add to the marinade. Seal bag and turn to coat; refrigerate for 2-3 hours or overnight, turning once.

Drain and discard marinade. Wrap a bacon strip around each steak piece; secure with a toothpick. Sprinkle with lemon-pepper. Coat grill rack with nonstick cooking spray before starting the grill.

Grill steak, covered, over medium-low heat for 10-15 minutes, turning occasionally, until meat reaches desired doneness (for medium-rare, a meat thermometer should read 145 degrees F; medium, 160 degrees F; well-done, 170 degrees F) Combine the glaze

ingredients; brush over steaks.

Grill until glaze is heated. Discard toothpicks.

And here’s the easiest one

ever: Marinated Chicken Breasts Ingredients 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves 1 (16 ounce) bottle Italianstyle salad dressing 1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper

salt to taste Directions

Rinse chicken and pat dry.

Place in a shallow glass bowl and pour 1/2 bottle of salad

dressing over it. Cover and

refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Lightly oil grill and preheat to medium high.

Remove chicken breasts

from marinade. Season with lemon pepper and salt to taste.

Grill over medium high heat for 10 to 15 minutes on each

side, or until chicken is cooked through and juices run clear.