Being out of town, visiting relatives in Naperville, IL, last week provides an opportunity to share several pieces that I have been waiting to use when my time to write would be limited. So this week is one of those occasions. We had a very enjoyable visit and it was so nice to travel again. *** Did you ever wonder? 1.) Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2.) Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3.) If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4.) If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5.) Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6.) Why do “Slow down” and “Slow up” mean the same thing? 7.) Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing? 8.) Why do “tug” boats push their barges? 9.) Why do we sing “take me out to the ball game?” 10.) Why are they called stands” when they are made for sitting? 11.) Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light?” 12.) Doesn’t expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected? 13.) Why are “wise man” and “wise guy” opposites. 14.) Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things? 15.) Why is “phonics” not spelled the way it sounds? 16.) If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17.) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18.) If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19.) If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20.) Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21.) Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22.) Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23.) How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24.) Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them? 25.) Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26.) Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27.) Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 28.) Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? *** You know your a true Wisconsinite when: 1.) Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2.) “Vacation” means going up north of Highway 8 for the weekend. 3.) You measure distance in hours. 4.) You know several people who have hit deer more than once. 5.) You often switch from “heat” to “air-conditioning in the same day and back again. 6.) Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday. 7.) You can drive 65 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 8.) You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals). 9.) You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 10.) You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison. 11.) You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. 12.) There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Blain’s Farm and Fleet or Mill’s Fleet Farm at any given time. 13.) You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 14.) Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 15.) You refer to the Packers as “We.” 16.) You know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 17.) You can identify a southern or eastern accent. 18.) You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau. 19.) You consider Minneapolis exotic. 20.) You know how to polka. 21.) Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 22.) You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 23.) Down South to you means Illinois. 24.) A brat is something you eat. 25.) Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. 26.) You go out for fish every Friday. 27.) Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 28.) You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 29.) You find minus 20 degrees “a little chilly.” 30.) You actually understand these jokes and you send them on to all your Wisconsin friends and family. *** Have you noticed the activity at the original Wayne Duce Standard Station near the entrance to Highway 29 west? The former filling station is being retrofitted to what will be known as Precision Tire and Auto Repair. Behind the business are Scott and Selena Acker. The building has been extensively cleaned and painted and the office is unrecognizable – very nice. The outside improvements remain to be completed. When the business opens, they can be reached at 715-644-2162. *** Smile time. There are two ways of arguing with a woman. Neither one works. +++ How deep is the mud? Depends on who you ask. We all go through the same stuff differently. +++ If you don’t swear when driving you are not paying enough attention to the road. +++ A police recruit was asked, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” The reply, “Call for backup.” +++ Son to dad: So how come there aren’t any circuses around now? Dad: Because all the clowns got into politics. +++ Wouldn’t it be nice if you read a medicine bottle that said… Warning: May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles and increase energy. +++ My stomach is FLAT. The L is just silent. +++ I thought my DRYER made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the REFRIGERATOR. +++ Do all fairy tales begin with, Once upon a time…? No, some begin with, “If I get elected…” +++ Grandpa Smith was celebrating his 100th birthday and was still in near perfect health. At his birthday gathering he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained, “I put my long life down to spending so much time outdoors. I’ve been in the open air day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75 years.” “How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?” they asked. “It’s simple,” he said. “When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made a solemn pledge. We agreed that whenever we had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take a long walk.”