John McLoone

I’m going to let you guys in on a secret.

I want to try eating avocado.

I feel like all the cool people eat avocado, and it’s cutting me out of some things, at least in my family.

It’s time for me to get on the guacamole train.

I’m not an overly adventurous eater, but I’ve done a lot of new things in the past few years. I have generally been a beer and burger kind of guy, who as the budget allows turn into a beer and steak kind of guy. Chicken wings are a staple.

A few years back, they invented these new heartburn medications, and they really allowed me to open up my options. I now eat tons of onions and all kinds of peppers. When I was younger, if I looked at anything spicy, I already had heartburn. Now, I drop my heartburn medication daily, and the sky is the limit.

I’ve never been a big vegetable eater, but I’ve branched out from green beans over the last few years. I’ve become a huge fan of zucchini now. My wife often recounts the story of when our firstborn was a toddler. She tried to make him eat vegetables and he told her, “Dad says only girls eat green things.”

I probably did say that, but that was the old me. I’m now more of an open-minded person (at least when it comes to food options). I’ve even ordered fish baked at restaurants, not even covered in a half-inch of batter. It’s progress.

We all know that people who eat avocados think they’re better than the rest of us. They’re in their own clique. They sit near each other at mealtime because guacamole kind of looks real offensive. If you’ve had babies, and/or had to change babies, you know what I’m talking about.

So why would I want to get into this exclusive group?

I really think I may be missing out on something. Sure, salsa is fun on chips, but these people eating guacamole really look like they’ve got a real experience going on. I’m all for that. I blacken my steaks. I put jalapenos in things for the kick. Sometimes my wings make me cry. I’m going to go for spicy whenever I can, as long as my Prilosec is nearby.

One of my daughters frequently shares pictures on social media. Now, they’re of my new grandbaby. For the 10 years before that, they were of consuming guacamole, going to trendy restaurants and new and groovy food trucks. (What’s the allure with food trucks, by the way? ‘Hey, you can sit outside and fight flies and pay $5 more for the same meal you could be eating in a restaurant that supports the community.’ That’s a topic for another column, I guess.)

I think I’m ready to try avocado in a controlled environment, and it’s got to be in dip form. You don’t just try it in its original form the first time. That’s like jumping in the pool before you dipped your toes in to check the temperature. I’m not ready for that. I’m not eating an avocado sandwich or anything like that. It needs to mixed, perhaps with some unhealthy stuff accompanying it for the first time. Then, if I like it, I’ll graduate up to other recipes.

It's going to happen soon. I’m going to introduce one more green thing to my plate.