Early morning snow April 14 brings cold shock to area

by Joseph Back

[Disclaimer: The views expressed by ‘Winter’ in this article are solely those of imagination, and should not be construed either as giving sentient thought, ability to senseless weather patterns, nor endorsing or reproving the recent cold invasion by a recently vanquished if ageold seasonal invader.] Where there’s fire there’s smoke, and smoke particles released into the atmosphere can and have been known to cause precipitation of various degrees and kinds at a later date.

The so-called ‘Butterfly Effect’ may be just as difficult if impossible to solve as the Chaos Theory advanced by Dr. Ian Malcom in Jurassic Park, but that’s what makes it so beautiful: with just enough plausibility and seeming scientific backing to command credibility, the so-called Butterfly Effect has taken Earth by storm—which brings us to the recent snow of April 14.

See WINTER’S VISIT Page 9

The scene at Pine Street and County NN the morning of April 14. A lightning-downed guide wire is visible in the foreground.

FROM PAGE 1 Striking just before the annual ‘Why did Congress pass the Sixteenth Amendment?’ Day of April 15 resulting in pandemonium toward midnight (in non-deferred ‘normal’ tax years, that is), the April 14 invasion by Winter started with snow dust clouding the western horizon in the early afternoon, followed by slippery roads, traffic diversions and a jacknifed UPS truck on Highway 29 that resulted in traffic being diverted toward Highway 53 and Superior with early evening on Tuesday.

If you weren’t familiar with the interchange of Highways 53 and 29 interchange near Lake Hallie, that may have been problematic–but that was just the beginning!

“Look, not everyone likes me, and I’m aware of that,” Winter related in a press release from its summer hideout in barren and rocky Greenland, just above the North Atlantic jetstream to the East. “That said, there are lots of people who do like me. Just because the vast majority may believe and prefer it to be Spring right now due to an artificial and arbitarily- chosen date (March 20) does not allow me to let down my loyal fans,” it said.

Going on to reveal that the cold snap was part of a concerted region-wide campaign to repeal through freezing temperatures the effects of April showers (such as mud), Winter shared that it was curreclty available year round at its Greenland office, as it did not expect to be able to hold its position in the local area for much longer, due to the worsening angle of reflection for the Sun’s rays, its greatest foe.

In addition to Greenland, Winter said that it would soon make a seasonal appearance in the Southern Hemisphere, as the worsening angle of the Sun in the north was resulting in snowpack coming to Antarctica, Australia, New Zealand and Argentina’s Patagonia region–maybe even Cape Town!

“Cape Town isn’t the easiest place to touch down,” Winter conceded with aplomb, explaining that the seaside Meditteranean climate meant that winter temperatures generally in South Africa’s “Mother City” could be as mild as 52 degrees above zero for a low, with highs of up to 72 degrees Fahrenheit for the same. Cape winters, the season further explained, run from May to August, the opposite of the Northern Hemisphere.

“You just can’t keep snowfall in those conditions,” Winter complained, while abundant winter rainfall was followed with spring wildfires that made it even harder for cold weather to stick around long in the Tavern on the Seas–although the fires do help to keep local vegetation– called fynbos by the locals–alive.

As it turned out locally, the April 14 incursion by Winter was a a failure, with a rising sun and warm temperatures expelling winter and its brief snow dust from the area later that same day, until the angle of the Sun begins to decrease in mid-summer, resulting in a seasonal reversal later this year. When that happens, Cape Town sure sounds like a pleasantly warm destination–for those who can afford it.

For those who may not be able to, on the other hand, the island of Fiji is a wellknown ‘budget’ destination, with an even warmer (and tropical!) climate–no snow allowed.

As to the local area, Winter remained defiant into Monday April 19, with snowflakes falling from the sky around 9 a.m. followed by what resembled styrofoam balls, which was folowed in a third wave of fluffy white flakes in the afternoon. It is not expected for Winter to contest its seasonal ouster past May, but who knows?